Date: Saturday 3rd December, 2011, 1.15pm KO
Starting Line-Up: Sadler; Hooper, Lye, J. McGeown, Rushnall; Moody, Thethy (C), Burt, Hill; Griffith, Taylor.
Subs: Keegan, Palacio.
Back in 1836, Davy Crockett and his small group of heroes fought a battle for 5 days against the relentless onslaught thrown at them by an army 10x the size of his own. They stood firm and battled hard, but unfortunately after the 5 day skirmish the mêlée was lost, but boy oh boy didn’t they go down with a good fight. There were many parallels with this diminutive war and the game the 2’s found themselves in against AFC Sevenoaks, barring 2 obvious dissimilarities.
- The game was not going to last 5 days
- The main protagonist attacking Davy’s men wasn’t wearing a number 23 shirt who couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with an oversized banjo.
*there may be some massive factual inaccuracies in the above, as I know nothing about American military history.
Usually a flank offensive, Gatling gun wielding, Rob Sadler would be rallying the troops down the wings, but due to an injury from a previous battle he bit the bullet a took the number 1 shirt for the first time since impressive debut for our beloved baby blue battalion. Corporal Hooper stepped in at full back and looked like he had brawled there all year long.
Young sniper Jordan Griffiths stepped up from the cadets to form our strike force with our veteran of many blood baths Stevie T, and didn’t it work well! Comrade Moody mowed down their vulnerable left back and before you could say “tally ho chaps” Stevie T had fed a pass to Jordan, and kaboom… Cubo go 1-0 in the lead. This was well deserved and a sucker blow to AFC as they felt they were on top.
“oh my gosh bruv, we were all over em, innit” AFC Sevenoaks Captain and number 99
The oppo then re-grouped and forged a new offensive known as the school boy attack. Not as paedophilic as it sounds, but a move which entails a midfielder getting the ball, then everyone else running ahead of him, shouting as loud as they can to get the ball. This proved very affecting, and mixed with the long range punt from the back (aided by the wind and glaring sunlight) caused private Jez and McGowan many bouncy headaches down their right flank.
Sevenoaks found themselves within shooting range of our goal, and it was in the form of a free kick. Standing eye to eye with their assailant our mighty wall stood firm, and did just enough to make their rifleman hit a strike against the post.
All of a sudden there was a serious problem, Corporal Hooper found a sneaky marksman in a trench between himself and Sads and then there was a thunderbolt from the blue. A fierce strike, so sure and blistering that not even a real life superhero could save it – it soared into Rob Sadler’s top right hand side of the goal with true aplomb.
This is how it will stay in the history books, but if truth be told, a winger hit a lame effort mildly towards the goal and somehow it squirmed through our keepers legs.. but let’s not dwell on that.
Pete Hill was doing admiral work down the left wing, and on a number of different occasions caused their defence all manner of problems, and it was his free kick (or corner, I can’t remember—maybe it wasn’t even Pete.. (Hoops: I think it was Andy Burt) but hey ho) that set up a lovely attack with the ball slung over towards Corporal Hooper to side foot back across the 6 yard box to our Anzac battler Griffiths to convert at the back post.
As far as chances go, that was about it for the 2nd Fusiliers of Cubo. Private Jez had a glorious chance from 40 yards out, but hit fresh air with his shot, Marine-Keegan also came on and struck the post, but really that was it..
Captain Salty and Field Marshal Burt did a sterling job in getting to grips with their midfielders but at times they were outnumbered and then the fight intensified. I could go into details of every single shot that they missed but it would just take too long.
Not only did their number 23 put the ball over the bar from 2 yards, but he skewed another 2 open goals horribly wide. He jinked into the box causing our defence many problem, but the only time Rob was brought into action he ended up getting a yellow card. The ball was outside the box, so he tried to shepherd the ball out, and failed, then he tried to bring it back in the box, and failed, so he fell on the ball outside of the box, gave away a free kick and got a yellow card. Many people would be upset at Rob, but due to the emotional distress he is going through at the minute (with the tragic loss of his brand new Cubo merch) I’m sure we can forgive him.
Their big number 99 also slammed Rob’s head against the post late on in the game, but he got up and threw himself right back into the battle. It wasn’t just their number 23 who missed many chances, at least every outfield player on their team seemed to miss an open goal.
When the final whistle blew and the battle was over it was Cubo who progressed into the semi- final of the London Cup. Where we will don our uniforms, strap on our bayonets and do battle again, for the next step is the final and the opportunity to become true warriors. Jordan Griffiths picked up the Victorian cross for his offensive efforts, and well deserved it was. This was our very own battle of the Alamo, but unlike Crockett we won – the sweet smell of victory is in the air, and we like it!
Final Score: AFC Sevenoaks 1-2 AFC Cubo 2nd XI
Goals: Griffith x2
Man of the Match: Griffith
Match Report: Steve Keegan