2nd XI

AFC Cubo 2nd XI 0 – 2 UCC Diaspora

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Date: Saturday 29th October 2011, 3pm KO

Starting line-up: Mango, Haddon, Alan Clarke, Pally, Rick Utting, Denno, Bradders, Salty, Pete Hill, Hoops, Stevie T

Sub: Seb Brain

On a roll from an unbeaten start to the season, the mighty Cubo came up against a resilient UCC Diaspora side; fresh from promotion from Division One last year and rolling along nicely at the higher standard. Discussion pre-match focussed upon Luke’s alchemy and Alan Clarkes estimation that if his lateness continues he alone will have contributed nearly £100 to the 2nds end of season bash.

With Haddon sporting a very nice new pair of boots (with his name cockily scribed along the side), Cubo started with the now standard 4-4-2. The game was evenly matched, and had a frantic pace, with Salty and Bradders fighting like teenage looters for the ball in the middle of the park. For the first time this season, Cubo hadn’t warmed up with the obligatory netball, and Denno wasn’t too happy with that. Just as the game was settling down into a steady rhythm after a high octane first 5 minutes, the Diaspora right midfield whipped the ball across to the penalty spot, and as Denno attempted to clear the ball, it kicked off ‘a massive divot’ and struck him on the left bicep. Penalty: Diaspora. Try as he might to guess the right way, the Diaspora spot-kicker placed the ball in the left corner, Mango dived the wrong way. 1-0 Diaspora.

Cubo then attempted the fightback, playing the ball nicely along the ground on the left hand side. Decent one-touch football, but never quite finding the killer pass that would open up for a chance to equalise. Even when the ball wasn’t on the floor, Cubo used the returning ‘big players’ of Thom Hoops and Stevie T up front to great effect, with balls flicked from one to the other and vice versa. A decent chance to pull level always on the card.

Midway through the first half, the first great Cubo flashpoint of the game. Unfortunately not in the oppo half. With the Diaspora number 15 proving a handful for the Cubo centre halves, as he was clattered to the floor under a cruching (yet wholey legal) challenge from Pally, he decided to have a good fondle of the ball while moaning like a bitch about what he saw as a foul. Cue a secondary challenge from Pally that looked likely to puncture the number 15’s balls. High, forceful, scary. Luckily for him, once the ensuing drama of the Diaspora players having their bit with the stricken Pally (for he got wiped out by a wave of Paddies), the referee was (possibly) poor and let Pally stay on the pitch.

UCC were clearly up for it now and 35 minutes in, the ball came to the advancing left back around 30 yards out. One touch, and without a Cubo player applying pressure, he struck it past the helpless Mango into the top left corner. For a man who has a bit of a temper when he’s beaten in five-a-side, let alone in full size goals, the strike left Nick speechless.

Half time. Two down, but playing well, and definitely still in it.

The second half proved to be much the same as the first, with Cubo winning the ball well upfront and forcing Diaspora to give away free kicks which Cubo never quite punished them with. A number of times, AC was able to climb above the Diaspora players in the box with a few headers flashing past the far post and crossbar.

Twenty minutes from the end, and Pally had to leave the field with his wrist proving too painful to play with. Seb came on, and Cubo switched to 3-4-3. An interesting back line of AC, with Rick and Luke either side of him. The game opened up. Cubo moving the ball well on the ground and finding the gaps with the extra player further up the pitch.

With the aerial approach working well for Cubo, two minutes from the end, a ball went up for Seb (admittedly not the tallest centre forward in the world). Wiped out in the air, he clattered to the floor face first. Cue the drama.

Knocked straight out, he lay on the floor, getting mildly slapped by the Diaspora linesman in a foolhardy attempt to get woken up. The oppo Goalkeeper did do a great job though. A passing ambulance from the rugby was flagged down like a London taxi, with the previous occupant kicked out despite his own dislocated shoulder. Seb had by this time come round, but things were clearly not all there. Blue lights, and boarded down, he was rushed to Charing X Hospital (nowhere near the station). After a number of hours, he was released to go home with a number of zygomatic fractures. Surgery has been arranged for next Monday.

All in all, not a good day for Cubo 2nds.

Man of the Match: Thom Hoops

Match Report: Luke Haddon

AFC Cubo 2nd XI 3-2 Goldfingers

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Date: Saturday 15th October, 2011

Starting Line-Up: Clark, Haddon, A. Clarke, Pally, Utting, Denno, Bradley, Salty, Burt, Brain, Hill

Subs: Hooper and Jim M

It was a case of déjà vu at Barn Elms on Saturday as Cubo faced a Goldfingers team on another balmy summer’s day two weeks after knocking them out of the cup. Cubo have enjoyed an unbeaten start to the season and came into this game full of confidence having won their last 3 games 1-0. Having watched Wales lose to the French that morning, Pally turned up sporting his London Welsh top and looking to take out his frustration out on Goldfingers. Given the weather conditions it would be interesting to see how many of the translucent members of the squad would deal with the hot conditions. Utting was seen applying a thick layer of sun cream before the game as the tree in the corner of the pitch would only offer him shade for one half of the game. With all strikers at the club seemingly unavailable it was left to the imposing duo of Seb Brain and Pete Hill to lead the line. Otherwise it was the regular back four in front of Neil ‘clean sheet’ Clark and a midfield of Bradley and Salty in the middle and Denno and Andy Burt offering some quality out wide.

The first half was not a vintage performance from Cubo. The team seemed very lethargic and Goldfingers were first to most balls and looked dangerous on the break. xHowever, Cubo did manage to go ahead through a sloppy defensive effort from the away team. From a Cubo throw on the left Andy Burt managed to slide in on the edge of the area to divert the ball towards goal. Seb and the Goldfingers’ keeper went for it but both managed to miss the ball which ran through to Alan Clarke to another goal to continue his good start to the season.

Despite going ahead Cubo continued to live dangerously by giving the ball away too easily and then allowing Goldfingers too much space on the break. A free kick was given away on the edge of the Cubo area in a threatening position. The dead ball was poorly stuck though straight at keeper Clark. Unfortunately the prospect of getting married next week just before his 39th birthday was playing on his mind and he forgot key coaching point of all goalkeepers of getting your body behind the ball and let it go through his legs. So the team’s record of not conceding a goal since moving to a flat back four back in their opening game of the season had now been ended. The only other thing to note from the first half was the referees increasing habit of offering commentary on the game but not being to receptive to any constructive criticism offered by either team.

The half time whistle was welcomed by Cubo and gave them a chance to regroup and hopefully address their lacklustre first half. The second half started with Cubo in the ascendency and trying to pass the ball around positively. Seb and Pete were causing the Goldfingers back four problems with their pace and the quality of the final ball was the only thing missing. Cubo retook the lead midway through the half. A corner from the right was delivered with pace to the far post from Burt and Denno managed to head the ball into the goal through a melee of defenders and goalkeeper. Cubo had deserved the lead through their positive start to the second half. Goldfingers still looked like a threat and it took a few last ditch interceptions from the Cubo defence to prevent their strikers being clear through on goal.

In the 75th minute the referee blew up for a foul committed by the home team on the edge of the area. Unfortunately the referee was not having his best game and this was a shocking decision as it was clear to everyone except the man in black that a Cubo foot had got to the ball first. The wall lined up and the Goldfingers player managed to hit it over the wall and also over the stranded Clark to get them back level. The crowd were now looking for a reaction from the Cubo players as their winning run was now under threat. Cubo remained positive and looked to release Seb at any opportunity. Hooper had also replaced Pete Hill up top to offer his considerable frame to the frontline. The third and decisive goal came from an unlikely source. Mark Bradley made his first successful pass of the game to release Seb whose pace kept him away from the defenders and he calmly slotted it home to give Cubo another 3 points. The home team managed to hold on with Clark pulling off a great save towards the end. With another win under their belt the team headed off to the Red Lion for a debrief and then onto Chez Saltdog for a few home brews.

Final Score: AFC Cubo 3-2 Goldfingers

Scorers: A. Clarke, Dennison, Brain

Man of the Match: Seb Brain for a coolly taken winner and offering a constant threat in behind the Goldfingers defence.

Positives: 

  • Great team spirit to react to conceding the second goal and get the winner
  • Scored three goals
  • Late fines are building up nicely for the end of season drinking session

Negatives:

  • First half performance was very sloppy. We are not good enough just to turn up and collect 3 points.
  • Still need to work on our finishing
  • Bradders and Luke suffering heatstroke after not applying enough sun cream before the game

Match Report: Rick Utting

AFC Cubo 2nd XI 1-0 Goldfingers

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Date: Saturday 1st October

Starting Line-Up: Clark, Denno, A. Clarke, Pally, Utting, Brain, Bradders, Salty (C), Moody, Hill, Stevie T

Subs: Ramsay

Cubo welcomed Goldfingers to Barn Elms for the first cup game of the season. Bradders knew their European sleeve styled keeper and many players were also au fait with Cemlyn Jones at right back for the Yellow and Black clad visitors.

Trevor Moody scored the key goal, which had been coming, when he stole in at the near post to delicately flick in a Brain corner – one of many the diminutive dribbler had delivered.

On the half hour mark a penalty was conceded by the 27 (honestly) year old in the home goal, but he composed himself well, flinging himself to his right to push the spot kick to safety.

Goldfingers loved being offside but responded to the disappointment in the second half by creating a number of chances themselves. Clark was called into action a number of times producing a plethora top saves.

However despite his heroics, when a weak shot slipped under his body it seemed for all the world that extra time would be required. However Dennison, operating out of position at right back, showed admirable defensive instincts to clear from off the line and complete a hard fought but slightly fortuitous victory.

Final Score: AFC Cubo 2nd XI 1-0 Goldfingers

Scorer: Moody

Man of the Match: Neil Clark for some great one handed shot stopping and a penno save (which he’d given away).

Match Report: A group effort (in the car) between Denno, Clark, Hoops and PeteHill

Balham FC 0-1 AFC Cubo 2nd XI

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Date: Saturday 8th October

Starting Line-Up: Clark, Haddon, A. Clarke, Pally, Utting, Denno, Bradders, Salty (C), Hill, Moody, Burt

Subs: Ramsay, Joe D

In well-worn Ian Holloway parlance, this Cubo win was akin to being vomited on by a prostitute. Outplayed for large periods of the game by a younger and fitter, Balham side, AFC Cubo summoned on the years of experience present and exhibited fine smash and grab technique.

Pre-match, the writing had been on the wall for the boys in baby blue. As the youthful Balham FC diligently carried out a pre match warm up involving dynamic stretching, close knit ball work and a small sided game, Cubo responded with Netball, X-factor discussion and a racially insensitive team talk.

OR (Cubo responded with Netball and X-factor discussion, liberally punctuated with loud welsh swearing and demands to ‘stick one on them early doors’ from the player manager) Just in case anyone from the league/the other side ever reads this.

When the game finally kicked off, despite the insistence of Mark Bradley that the best, and indeed only, way to deal with a youthful opposition was through ‘inappropriate touching’, Cubo dominated the opening exchanges through more conventional means. In the first minute, a good interchange between Salty, Hill and Moody down the left allowed the latter to release a fierce shot at goal which was well blocked by the Balham Centre half. The Cubo boys felt that notice had been served that both sides on the pitch could play and moments later they had their reward.

A well-worked move resulted in a ninth minute corner which was floated high into the box for Clarke to convert as Pally busied himself assaulting the young goalkeeper. It wasn’t the first time a set play would cause the Balham defence trouble and nor was it the first time Cubo’s methods, particularly those of the player-manager, would be called into question.

From this point forward, the game settled into a regular pattern. Cubo showed fight, determination and grit all over the pitch and sought to disrupt Balham’s passing game at every opportunity. When they did receive possession, the Cubo boys attempts to get the ball down and play in the time honoured baby blue way were all too often thwarted by a Balham side who were quick to close down and moved the ball at speed.

Once again, Cubo’s work-rate was outstanding. Despite Balham having the majority of the possession, the Cubo boys fought hard and unexpectedly almost doubled their lead on 32mins when Denno went close with a long range chip over the Balham keeper. Stirred into action by this chance, Balham responded with a flurry of attacks culminating in an excellent chance for their centre forward to pull the scores level on the brink of half time. Once again however, the sun shone on the boys in baby blue and they went into the break still holding the lead.

As the second half began, it was clear the pattern of the game would be continued with Balham launching wave after wave of attacks against the cubo defence and the embattled midfield with the Balham No.10 the centre of all their good play. In response, Bradley was given the role of man-marking the No.10 – a move which did much to reduce the crafty playmaker’s effectiveness (that’s the No.10 by the way, not Bradders).

On the 65min, fresh legs were introduced to equation in the form of Ramsey for the unlucky Denno. With Stevie T busy filling the Gary Doherty role (if you don’t know Wikipedia it) for the 1s, Burt and Moody fought hard to hold the ball up front but welcomed the introduction of Ramsey to assist in their task with Burt dropping into midfield and Salty to the right.

Despite the change, the pattern of the game remained much the same and as the last 15 minutes approached, many in the ground would have had doubts about whether Cubo would hold on. A good Cubo chance on 80mins nearly sealed the game for the boys in baby blue with Ramsay unlucky to see his glancing header clip the outside of the upright on a rare
foray into the opposition half. What followed next will be gracing rolling sports channels across the globe for many weeks to come.

A long through ball found the Balham No.10 who, despite being man-marked effectively for much of the 2nd half, found himself all on his own on the Cubo left. Seeing the danger, player manager Pally took matters into his own hands. As the playmaker advanced and then overran the ball, Pally put in a fair challenge. Frustrated by his wasteful use of possession,
the No.10 then threw himself onto the floor in front of the advancing centre back. Pally, too fully into his powerful stride to stop, continued on his path and trampled over the top of the young boy. In the resulting melee, unluckily for the no.10, one of Pally’s size 12’s connected with his ankle bone, sending the No.10 into a torrent of high pitched abuse aimed at Pally and the referee. Cue disgraceful scenes across Wimbledon Common. The Balham team claimed the boot to the ankle was deliberate, Pally insisted not. The Balham players protested vociferously, the cubo boys lept to their manager’s defence. A woman ran onto the pitch screaming. A linesman tripped over a water bottle. All the time, the crocked no.10 lay on the floor shrieking. When the game restarted, regrettably, the No.10 was never quite the same player again.

With Balham’s main threat now ‘neutralised’, their challenge to Cubo’s lead slowly ebbed away. Save for a last minute goalmouth scramble in which Cubo’s woodwork was rattled and keeper Clark dived three times at imaginary balls – Balham ceased to seriously threaten Cubo’s goal again and the boys in baby blue held on for a famous victory. Pretty it wasn’t, but once again Cubo’s grit, determination and team spirit shone through as they deservedly went into the hat for the next round.

Final Score: Balham FC 0-1 AFC Cubo 2nd XI

Scorer: Alan Clarke

Man of the Match: Pally

Match Report: AC

AFC Cubo 2nd XI 1-0 Claremont AFC

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Date: Saturday 17th September, 2pm KO

Starting Line-up: Neil Clark, Luke Haddon, Rick Utting, Pally, Alan Clarke, Trev, Denno, Salty (c), Bradders, Stevie T, Pete Hill

Subs: John Glenn, Andy Burt, Banksy

Denno gets his lean on

The 2s and 3s arrived at Barn Elms with the majority of the pre-match excitement focussed on the new kit. It was worth the wait, as was seeing Denno turn up with a 2 inch nail driven through the front tyre of his 1975 racer. It is special; from the sleazy red velvet Lotto patch all the way down to the padded white bit on the socks. Salty completed the look with a fetching white sweat band to win Barn Elms best dressed. The match was played on Cubo’s new pitch, staked out carefully before the game by Pally and Stevie. With a good trim, it will be lovely to play on, which bodes well for the passing game all three Cubo teams like to play (aside from the interference from the Oak at the far end which we have been assured will be cut back).

Taking to the field after a pre-match chat from Pally centred on concentration and getting the ball out to the wide men, Cubo started brightly, releasing Trev early on the left wing to run at the Claremont right back. With Trev linking up well with Pete, Claremont were immediately pushed onto the back foot, and after some nervous early moments from the keeper including a fumbled catch and some poor kicking, it seemed only a matter of time before Cubo went one-up. With Stevie winning nearly all flick-on’s for Denno and Pete to run on to, it was only some desperate last-ditch defending that kept the score level. A salvo of corners from Pete and Denno added to some long-range shooting from Trev kept Claremont on the back foot throughout the opening 30 minutes.

However, with the quality of Cubo’s final ball slightly lacking, Claremont began to gain a foothold, and Luke and Rick were called upon more and more as the half went on to support the excellent Alan and Pally in the centre. The first half finished level, with both sides feeling they could have perhaps done more with a little extra composure in the final third.

With the rain now hammering down, the half-time team talk was taken under the shade of a convenient tree. After Clarkey’s quite frankly pathetic tantrum: ‘onevoiceonevoiceonevoice’, the overall consensus was to keep playing the same way and to concentrate on keeping it tight at the back. With Banksy coming on for Pete, and Andy for Trev five minutes later, Cubo started strongly and exerted more and more pressure on the Claremont back three. Salty and Bradders were performing like a pair of dogs hunting in a pack, refusing to let Claremont play, and Rick and Luke were composed on the ball, feeding the midfield well with passes to feet. When Bradders released Andy down the left who turned his man, he was able to loft in a cross to the back post for Stevie to nod it in to a gaping net. 1-0 to the goodies.

Claremont still pressed and Clarkey was called into action 3 times in as many minutes, making three superb flying stops with no sign of chocolate wrists. It mattered not that all three chances were deemed offside, the saves were still made. Alan Clarke was again unfortunate to have what seemed from the sidelines a perfectly good goal disallowed following a superb leap from an accurate Denno corner. With ten minutes remaining, Glenn replaced Denno, and with Banksy holding the ball up superbly and occupying the Claremont defence almost single-handedly, the clock was run-down for a well-deserved and hard fought victory. With a week off next week, the 2’s can look forward to the rest of the league knowing they have beaten a team who twice caused problems in the corresponding fixtures last year.

Final Score: AFC Cubo 2nd XI 1-0 AFC Claremont

Man of the Match: the composed and hard-working Luke Haddon

Goal: Stevie T

Match Report: John Glenn

Battersea Old Firm 2-2 AFC Cubo 2nd XI

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Venue: RaynesPark

Date: Saturday 10th September 2011

Starting Line-up: Neil Clark, (the new) Denno, Alan Clarke, Pally, Jim McGeown, Rick Utting, Seb Brain, Salty (c), Mark Bradley, Pete Hill, Steven Taylor.

Subs: Luke Haddon, Andy Burt.

And so it begins… Raynes Park has been the graveyard of many aspirations from disappointed Friday night doggers to a groundsman who obviously resents the very earth he helps to destroy year on year. As such it was a testing opening venue for the 2nd’s against a newly promoted and confident Battersea Old Firm on a pitch not conducive for ‘lifestyle’ football with Cubo also battling bad memories of a litany of dropped points on this ground last season. The team started with a sweeper and 3 up top and whist getting to grips with the new system still dominated possession and enjoyed several promising attacks thwarted only by inconsistent final balls and/or a lack of supporting numbers from midfield. Stevie T playing as the spearhead and ‘go to ball’ from the wingbacks combined well to utilise the pace of Pete Hill and Seb Brain going forward. This was the pattern of the first 20 minutes with the Cubo defensive three looking solid and confident whenever the ball did come their way. Then disaster struck as Bradley was caught dwelling on the ball on the edge of the Cubo area and Battersea capitalised clinically to go one up against the run of play. The final 20 minutes of the half became a little scrappy with Cubo still seeing a lot of the ball but failing to fully get a grip on the game despite managing several more promising attacks down both flanks with Stevie T instigating these from his central position. However, failing to capitalise on these attacks Cubo were once again made to pay for their sloppiness and were caught by another well executed break-away after losing possession to go in 2-0 down at half-time.

Despite the scoreline the half-time atmosphere was upbeat and Cubo started the second half in a new 4-4-2 formation with Luke Haddon coming on to make an assured official Cubo debut. The scrappiness continued for the first 20 minutes of the second half as Cubo resolutely continued trying to play their style of football but desperately needing the break-through goal to trigger their comeback. This came from the most unlikely of sources when with slightly less than 20 minutes left on the clock Pally floated in a free-kick from just inside the opposition’s half which the Battersea keeper flapped into his own net under pressure from a melee of players. This was the spark Cubo needed and after several missed opportunities (and a few scares at the back as Cubo pushed on) the equaliser came from another new boy Andy Burt on as a second half sub who finished with a fantastic header coming in from the left wing to meet a cross from Salty. All of Cubo’s hard-work pre-season looked to be showing as their superior fitness saw them dominate the last 10 minutes with a handful of chances to deservedly win the game but once again a poor final ball or wasteful finishing were to deny them the 3 points. Despite their strong finish Cubo still had Neil Clark to thank for an excellent save from a rare Battersea break.

All in all a tough first fixture for Cubo produced many positives with the team strengthened in key areas and showing a gritty resilience and a borderline homosexual team spirit which offers great hope for the season ahead. The valuable point and good team performance should provide a good base to build from for the season.

Man of the Match: Alan Clarke

 Goals: Pally, Andy Burt.

Match Report: Mark Bradley.