3rd XI

Battersea Lions 2-5 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

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Date: Saturday 10th December, 2011

Starting Line-Up: Stewart, Lye, Ingle, Dallamore, Adabadze, Tett (C), Jeph, Lucas, Field, May, Hennerz.

The baby blue army arrived at a chilly Raynes Park in buoyant mood following their confident victory over old foes Merton in their previous outing and the vibe was further heightened by the knowledge that they got to wear the new kit for the second match in succession.

It was also a team with a sense of unfamiliar familiarity as the previous attacking three of May, Field and Hennerz once again played ahead of the quickly gelling duo of Jeph and Lucas. The midfield welcomed back crowd favourite Greg “Hollywood” Tett who took the skippers armband and the defence was bolstered by Mark Dallamore who slipped in alongside Ingle at the heart of the defence.

Cubo started on the front foot and quickly found that passing rhythm which is fast becoming a hallmark of their play. With the midfield three easily creating space by using the extra man and finding Hennerz and Field who hugged the touchlines stretching the Battersea back four. This movement and speed of play was once again spearheaded by May up top by himself who was running the channels and causing problems early on.

A decent exchange of passes down the right flank involving Field, Lucas and May drew a foul in a dangerous area of the pitch for Cubo. Lucas whipped a left foot cross over which somehow evaded the melee of players attacking it, and as the ball rolled tantalisingly along the line May did what all good strikers do best, got a toe end to it and claimed the goal. 1-0 Cubo.

What followed however was not a re-ignited show of pressure from Battersea Lions as they chased down the lead, but instead more ‘Ole’ football from a confident Cubo. Field was finding space down the right and lollypopping past the hapless left back and Hennerz was pulling out some flamboyant turns of his own on the left. Jeph, Tett and Lucas were ticky-tacking the ball around the midfield and May came close with a curled right footed shot from the left of the box – “oooh what a bender”

The pressure told when the ball was held up down the left flank by Hennerz, who cut back and fed Lucas 20 yards out. The man rumoured to be named after the creator of the Star Wars dynasty sent the defender the wrong way, presumably by using Jedi mind tricks, and shifted the ball onto his less favoured right foot which suddenly became “more powerful than you could possibly imagine” as the ball flew past the Battersea keeper. 2-0 Cubo.

Lucas reflects on a tidy opening goal

At this the crowd (mainly subs of both sides, a few on-lookers and a group of Animal Rights activists who had turned up following a mis-print on the match day program and thinking they were confronting a gang called ‘Batter Sealions’) went crazy. And as the slick football continued, backed up by very assured defending from the Cubo backline, they broke into a samba style sing-song – appearing to personalize a version of the 1979 Gibson Brothers’ hit single “Cuba”.

Despite all of this, and with Gaz Stewart seing less of the action than Jim McGoewn after 10pm at a Cubo Christmas party, Battersea were suddenly granted a lifeline. With ten minutes to go in the first half a rare Lions corner seemed to have been dealt with at the near post when the ref inexplicably pointed to the spot claiming a push on the Battersea player. Both teams looked bemused by the decision, but the Battersea striker stepped up and side footed it home. Half time, 2-1.

A spirited half time team talk re-focused the minds of the Cubo boys who knew that a third goal would surely kill this contest. Despite this they had to weather an initial storm from the opposition who threw everything at them in the opening minutes of the half. Their Beowolf look-a-like central midfielder was suddenly getting on the ball and finding the tricky front men. But to their credit, the line of Lye, Dullamore, Ingle and Adabadze held firm, and but for a looped cross to the back post that forced a smart save from Stewart in goal, there were no scares.

The third goal killed the game as expected and it came from a likely source. Once again a ball down the left found Hennerz, who once again cut back and found Lucas who – if this was Pro Evo – was quite clearly “on a red” in this game. This time he opted for his favoured left foot and unleashed a strike, which dipped and swerved into the far top corner. Think David Silva for Valencia vs Chelsea at Stanford Bridge in the Champions League. A definite contender for goal of the season.”Tick a boo son, tick a boo.”

Cubo knew that the game as a contest was over, but the vast array of attacking talent on display started to smell blood. Jeph who had been a constant menace in the centre of the pitch all game began driving into the box with increasing regularity. Some more great play down the right from Field and May saw a ball crossed over and it was the newest addition to the Cubo ranks who soared highest to nod it in off the underside of the crossbar. 4-1 Cubo.

A  breakaway consolation by Battersea was quickly cancelled out as some more neat passing saw Jeph released again behind the defence, and after shrugging off the attentions of the centre back he steered the ball calmly home into the bottom right hand corner of the net. 5-2 Cubo.

The final whistle blew to jubilant scenes from the Cubo boys who had exhibited the perfect balance of work rate, structure, flair and finishing to punish the more than decent Battersea Lions team.

They go into the Christmas break two points off top spot and with every right to think they should be challenging for the title this year. If this side stays together, and continues to play this way the rest of the league should be worried.

Final Score: Battersea Lions 2-5 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

Goals: Lucas x2, Jeph x2, May

Man of the Match: Goes to Lukas who was obviously bouyed by Little Mix making it into the Xfactor live final and the prospect of a night out in Funky Buddha that night. He has settled into this team very well.

Match Report: Hennerz

Merton Orient 1-2 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

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Date: Saturday 26th November, 2011

Starting Line-Up: Busy, Lye, Ingle, Nathan, Antonio, Turner (C), Lukas, Jeph, Hennerz, Field, May.

Sub: Smith

“I think a curse should rest on me — because I love this war. I know it’s smashing and shattering the lives of thousands every moment — and yet — I can’t help it — I enjoy every second of it.” – WINSTON CHURCHILL, 1916.

And so it was that on a blustery afternoon as far down the map as the Northern Line takes you both sides packed the central midfield, and knuckled down to it. Yes Merton and CUBO lined up like for like, both with three central midfielders a piece, two wide men and a big fella up-front. For Merton this was clearly the best way of arranging the talent they had at their disposal, for CUBO it was the only clear way of getting Captain Matt Turner into a midfield that already contained Lukas and Jeph.

Both sides started brightly, Merton visibly switched on and focussed from their extensive high energy pre-match warm up attacked the ball with vigour in the early stages but found the CUBO boys (similarly full of well conserved energy due to their total lack of pre-match warm up) to be just as solid and competitive.

And in the early stages this was how the game continued. The ball often bouncing up on the firm surface and taking off in the strong cross field wind was very difficult to control, both teams in periods gaining some possession and trying to create but being batted back by numbers and good work rate from the opposition.

When CUBO got their foot on the ball they did begin to look more and more dangerous, both Lukas and Jeph getting the ball down and bringing in Field and Neville on the flanks, who in turn were feeding passes into the increasingly dangerous looking Paul May up top.

This pressure eventually told when the second or third corner from CUBO in a matter of minutes was cleared to the edge of the box, and as the ball sat up Lukas showed impeccable technique, guiding a left foot volley into the bottom right hand corner of the net – 1-0 CUBO.

Merton fought hard to regain parity and fed more and more balls forward, but perhaps for the first time this season, the CUBO backline remained very solid dealing with every attack be it on the deck or in the air. The back four of Lye, Ingle, Nathan and Antonio kept a good shape, and with Turner in particular racing into every challenge with gusto just in front of them, this was perhaps the most solid the CUBO boys have looked all season.

“All warfare is based on deception” – Sun Tzu (Chinese philosopher)

And with 35 minutes on the clock a throw in from the right landed at the feet of Merton’s talented, Jimmy Bullard haired centre forward inside the box. As he tried to turn a tightly glued Nathan he hurled himself to the ground, and a penalty was given. I’ve seen them given, but then i’ve seen Matt Turner sleepwalk over to a living room chair and urinate on it until it’s drenched, then calmly climb onto it again and go to sleep – it doesn’t make it right. It was slotted home and the game was all square.

That looked like how the first half would end until Paul May, who had caused chaos in the Merton backline the whole game latched on to a pass, muscled off a defender and from a seemingly impossible angle, drilled a shot through the Merton keeper into the net. A great solo effort and sent the CUBO boys in 2-1 up at half time.

The second half took on much the same pattern, with Merton squeezing up the pitch looking for the equaliser and CUBO fighting hard in the middle. James Ingle was confidently marshaling the new look back line and was imperious in the air as the ball was knocked up with ever increasing regularity towards the Merton front man. CUBO weren’t just sitting back though and were hitting Merton hard and fast on the counter attack. Jeph in particular was regularly latching onto balls in the centre of the park and striding up the pitch, and May should have had a free kick awarded as he was set free towards goal in the right hand channel and was seemingly hauled to the ground, a lucky escape for the Merton centre back who could have seen red.

As a dud corner was played back out to him by Ingle, Neville rounded the Merton covering man and cut a ball back to Matt Turner who fired over, and another cross from the right hand side saw Jeph force a smart save from the Merton keeper. Then a sweeping move from CUBO saw a smart interchange of four or five passes at full pace leading to a centre from Turner towards May, he took a touch and tried to slide the ball past the keeper who made another great save. It was unlucky, it would undoubtedly have been team goal of the season.

As Neville got cramp in both calves (he didn’t get his 33% extra from his Powerade before the game) CUBO’s team work ethic didn’t drop and the final minutes of the game were seen off in confident style.

A great result from the boys in baby blue, showing a certain know-how and will to win that wasn’t evident last season. This team should go into the New Year full of confidence and still in with a genuine shot at the title.

Final Score: Merton Orient 1-2 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

Goals: Lukas, May

Man of the Match: Stand out performers on the day included Paul May who played the role of lone front man very well, Matt Turner who put in an assured and high energy performance in the middle, and James Ingle who looked confident and impermeable at the back.

Match Report: Henry Neville

AFC Cubo 3rd XI 3-1 Kiwi FC

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Date: Saturday 19th November 2011, 2pm KO

Starting Line-up: Ash, John, Jonesy, Antonio, Luke , Henners, Lukas, Jimbo, Timmy, Lenny, Billers

Subs: Jeff, Dan Cucos, Bushy

With anticipation feverish before kick-off, both for those new to playing with Jeff and for the arrival of new stash, it was easy to forget we were playing the run-away league leaders, Kiwi. This however was made clear to us upon watching Kiwi’s warm-up, consisting of elaborate and well-rehearsed drills, sprints and a game of touch rugby. The boys in baby blue elected to prance about and stroke the ball to each other, remarking on how nice the pitch was and wondering aloud what ‘stud’ to wear. Classic Cubo.

With Jeff running late, lost and not speaking much English, Cubo kicked off into the sun, the match progressing at a frenetic pace. The Kiwi plan of constantly smashing high balls over the Cubo defence almost paid immediate dividends, and the back line was looking shaky, unsure of how best to deal with the Kiwi direct, fast and aggressive style. The first real chance came from just such an attack, with the Kiwi no. 9 through on goal. Glenn just managed to toe poke the ball away from him before he shot, diverting it onto the post. Calamitous defending from Jonesy (literally 2 minutes after chewing Glenn out for not releasing the ball quick enough), resulted in the no. 9 again going through on goal, and rounding Ash before harmlessly passing it into the side netting. Unfortunately the back line could not hold out under this constant pressure, and Kiwi finally broke the DEAD LOCK after 8 minutes. As Jonesy ran back to make yet another clearance over our heads, he was unceremoniously fouled and tripped up, allowing the Kiwi no 10 to lift the ball around the onrushing Ash to go 1-0 up.

An erroneous call of ‘home’ from Ash to Glenn resulted in a header back to him being intercepted by the no. 9, who cleverly won a penalty from the outstretched keeper. Saving Glenn’s blushes, Ash confidently palmed the penalty away from the aforementioned striker, leaving Jonesy to smash it over the bar from about 6 inches off the line.

Kiwi however had not had it all their own way, with Cubo looking sleek and dangerous on the break. A strong run from Haddon on the left wing saw him sandwiched and brought down between two Kiwis inside the edge of the box, and the referee unerringly pointed to the spot. Billers confidently despatched the penalty, sending the keeper the wrong way. Unfortunately it was to be one of his last contributions, coming off with a dead leg to be replaced by Jeff. Cubo’s second came not long after, after some excellent pressing from Timmy resulted in an unforced error from the Kiwi left back, leaving Lenny to storm through and expertly lob the keeper.

Without Turns present to slag everyone off, the half time team talk was actually a positive experience, and Cubo kicked off the second half in good spirit. The back line was much improved, and Cubo were able to soak up the Kiwi pressure, Antonio and Jimbo impressing on the ground and in the air after Jonesy had been forced off. With the two talented midfielders of Lukas and Jeff now running the show and spreading it wide at every opportunity, Timmy and Henners began to see a lot more of the ball, both comfortably beating their men and whipping in dangerous crosses. One chance from Kiwi saw Cubo clear the ball off the line, and the resulting break through Timmy, Lenny and Lukas nearly saw a goal scored immediately, in some of the best football we’ve played this season. Cubo finally scored their deserved third after some excellent solo work from Jeff, who battered the ball confidently under the Kiwi keeper. The game finished without further incident in either goalmouth, Lukas impressing after a magnificent 60 yard dash to make an important slide tackle.

A good win against a physical and mentally strong side, in an incident packed, chaotic match. The thirds move to third in the table with a game in hand on the leaders. Props also to Ash and the back line for keeping out a New Zealand International, Daniel Ellensjohn off the scoresheet:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Ellensohn

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/daniel.ellensohn

Final Score: AFC Cubo 3rd XI 3-1 Kiwi FC

Scorers: Billers (pen), Lenny, Jeff

Man of the Match: Ash – for his penalty save and constant chat to the Kiwi no. 9 who left the field a broken, shell of a man. Props to Jimbo and Henners for playing in 3 different positions, and Lukas and Antonio who were superb throughout.

Match Report: John Glenn

South East London 2nd XI 3 – 0 Cubo 3rd XI: Centenary Cup Section B Round 1

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Date: Saturday 22nd October – 2pm KO

Starting Line-up: Matt Turner (C), Chris Revill (deceased), Mark Dallamore, Nathan Adabadze, James Ingle, Henry Neville, Chris Lendrum, Luke Haddon, Seb Brain, Paul May, Jordan Griffith

Sub: John Glenn

With the club undergoing a goalkeeping crisis of epic proportions, it was left to skipper Turner to place himself between the sticks. On a barren, concrete-hard pitch, a bright start under an adventurous and new-fangled 3-5-2 saw Cubo pen SEL back in their own half, with Paul and Jordan looking especially dangerous playing off the shoulders of the SEL defence. Only some dubious linesman-ship kept the scores level.

However, the main incident in the game came barely 10 minutes in to the first half. Excluding Dallamore, the diminutive back line of Revill and Adabadze naturally struggled under high balls and against the monstrous SEL strike-duo. With one clearance bouncing over Revill, a last-ditch goal saving tackle from the aforementioned ended audibly with a loud snap. Unfortunately it wasn’t a firework let off by some local wildlife; but Chris’ tibula. An anxious 40 minute wait for the ambulance ensued, with full credit awarded to physio-on-the-spot Lenny for keeping Chris from enduring too much discomfort. A team effort was then needed to move Chris to the safety of the bag pile at the side of the pitch. With the half injured Glenn replacing Revill, the remainder of the half was played out in naturally cagey circumstances with neither side really threatening.

When the ambulance finally did arrive, the driver sensibly eschewed parking ANYWHERE ELSE and elected the pitch to settle upon, delaying the game by a further 30 minutes at half time.

With the second half finally underway, Cubo could not seem to build any momentum, and on the hard pitch it was proving difficult to get the ball to Luke and Seb’s feet on the wings. With both midfields bypassed by the aerial battle, a lucky bounce and unlucky deflection against Dallamore ended with the ball ricocheting past the despairing gloves of Turner. As Cubo chased the game, openings, err, opened up and the SEL right winger cut inside and unleashed a fierce drive through the defence, past the unsighted Turner to make it 2-0 to the baddies. Utilising the fact the SEL 1st XI had no fixture, some astute substitutions were made by the SEL coach and the game was put beyond Cubo’s reach with 10 minutes to go by another firm strike from outside the box.

Some positives can be taken however with an excellent debut from Nathan Adebadze and some strong, direct running from second debutant Paul May who looked to dovetail well with Jordan on several occasions. Thanks must also go to the SEL coach, Jose, who lent us some footballs, called the ambulance, provided Chris with company and blankets and general all-round good lad behaviour.

Thanks to Turns for donning the gloves and best wishes and a speedy recovery to Chris.

Man of the Match: TBC

Match Report: John Glenn

AFC Cubo 3rd XI 2-3 Inter Old Boys

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Date: Saturday 1st October, 2pm KO

Starting Line-up: Ricardo, Revill, Ingle, Noodles, Rosoman, Neville, Turner (C), Hooper, Smith, Field, Griffith.

Subs: Glenn, Lye, Cucos.

On the hottest October day since Henners unveiled the 10th month of his 2008 calendar, a table topping Cubo side, shorn of a number of key players, hosted the visiting Inter Old Boys. The Away side were inexplicably sporting a light blue and white vertically striped kit, causing Cubo to revert to the White-Puma-Sleaze-Strip-with-Tyre-Track-detail, white shorts and I-I-Italia stockings.

John Glenn and Geremi Lye were caught in some unexpected traffic and arrived at the fairly late time of 1.58pm for a 2pm KO and had to settle for a place on the bench with the returning Cucos.

The match started at pace that was perhaps a little frantic given the 30°C temperature but despite the hard ground and noticeable height advantage enjoyed by Old Boys, it was The Baby Blue Army that began to get on top, despite Ros departing within 5 minutes after suffering a bout of ankle knack. He was replaced by Glenn who slotted in at LB.

Henry Neville was at the heart of most of Cubo’s highlights, enjoying plenty of space behind his left midfield opponent, and linking up nicely with Revs and the hard working duo of Field and Griffith up front.

After scoring an own goal the previous week, which was a small blight on an otherwise strong performance, Jimmy ‘Jingle all the way’ Ingle was doing very well at the heart of the defence with Noodles slotting in alongside as if he’d never been away.

However, midway through the first half, slightly against the run of play, Old Boys took the lead. A whipped in corner was attacked, and converted, by one of several 6 foot plus imposters sporting the Argentina stripes.

Cubo were able to hit back almost instantly. A sweeping move from back to front saw Turner, on the gallop down the right channel, upended. Henry stepped up and delivered a magnificent cross that begged to be abused and his roomate 4lyf (if we did away trips) Jimmy duly did so, rising unopposed to crash a downward header into the net.

2 set-piece goals then became 3, as another NVLL outswinger, this time from a corner, was not attacked by a static Inter backline or ‘keeper and Griffith duly notched his 3rd goal in as many appearances with a determined nod, akin to greeting an acquaintance you tolerate but do not consider a friend.

Despite reaching the break a goal up, and appearing to be the more fluid side, there was a definite feeling of frustration that Cubo were not reaching the heights of previous weeks and Skipper Turns, back into the fray after some expanding ankles of his own and a tennis holiday, delivered a bit of a salvo, clearly looking for a response.

Edd Smith made way for Lye and the boys from Barn Elms started the 2nd half brightly, somewhat appropriately given the UV rays that were descending with increasing force from the cloudless Cubo coloured sky.

Despite the efforts of Turner, and a couple of sweeping passes from his midfield comrade Hooper, to fashion a really clear cut chance, the home side were unable to do so.

Hoops failed to catch one of two half chances cleanly and with Cubo narrowly failing to make a final ball tell after good approach work, Inter sensed that 1 point, and maybe even all 3, was suddenly a feasible haul.

A point blank header forced a great save from the home Goalkeeper before, in retaliation, Turner’s chicken dipper of a 30 yard volley was athletically fisted over by the Inter keeper, belying the extremely basic jogging bottoms he had opted for.

With approximately 10 minutes to go, the away side drew level in strange circumstances. An incisive move down the right saw a ball pulled back from the by-line into the path of a player arriving from midfield. With the goal very much ‘”Up for grabs noooooow” he wretchedly sliced his effort across the face of the 6 yard box where the left winger followed in at the back post. With the target at his mercy, he elected to also try out the newly in-vogue ‘slice shot’ and the ball trickled, like an overflowing Calippo most of the players were desperately craving, into the far corner.

With the match now all square, Jordan picked up a knock and after a bit of (self administered) treatment, was also unable to continue prompting a bit of a reshuffle. Cucos came on at right back but with Revs one of a few players struggling in the heat, he switched to upfront with Field moving to left midfield and Geremi switching to the right flank.

In my experience what gets a group of Old Boys buoyant is when your younger sister’s mates come round to get ready for a night on the tiles. However the aforementioned equaliser had similar effects and Inter were on the prowl for a winner.

Cubo pressed forwards themselves but a clear sight at goal continued to elude them. Hooper’s back-post header from another Neville set-piece went over the top and Noodles and Ingle intervened well to snuff out an opposition opening.

With seconds to go, Inter produced a sucker punch. A well assembled raid saw the ball pushed into the path of the left winger by the opposition striker. With Cucos trying to get across from a narrow starting position to shut him down, the Inter player was able to open his body and sweep a right footed shot into the far corner. The celebrations of the vistitors were considerable, no doubt fuelled by the 100% record Cubo had entered the match with.

With seconds to go the referee blew up, a dejected 3s reflecting on their first dropped points of the season.

Final Score: AFC Cubo 3rd XI 2-3 Inter Old Boys

Scorers: Ingle, Griffith.

Man of the Match: Jimmy Ingle takes it after performing excellently at the heart of the defence. Runner-up was Henry Neville who had 2 assists but was a constant threat in open play as well.

Match Report: Tom Hooper

South East London 2nd XI 1-2 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

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Date: Saturday 24th September, 2pm KO

Starting Line-Up: Dan Storey, Chris Revill, Jimmy Ingle, Greg Tett, Andrew Rosoman, Seb Brain, Andy Burt, Tom Hooper, Henry Neville, Chris Harding (C), Chris Lendrum.

Subs: John Glenn, Jeremy Lye, Pete Hill.

It was a big test for The Baby Blue Army this week following their perfect start to the season, as fans and doubters alike asked the question,  “Yes it’s all good so far, but can they do it on a sunny afternoon in Dulwich?”

This weeks test was posed by a South East London side who caused Cubo some problems last season and despite the overpowering smell of weed emanating from their supporters, they looked up for it again today.

The game started brightly, with both sides looking to attack but struggling to get the ball under control, the bounce of the ball often causing players problems. Despite some controlled touches in Midfield from Hooper and Burt it was South East London who had the first major opportunity of the game. A lofted through ball caused confusion between the new centre back partnership of Tett and Ingle allowing, i’m pretty sure, George Elokobi, to race through on goal. Fortunately his over muscular physique meant that he chipped the ball well over the crossbar from 18 yards – a let off for Cubo.

That scare seemed to re-focus the Cubo boys, and they began to string some lovely moves together. Neville in a new position on the left side was finding space and linking up well with the central midfield pairing of Hooper and Burt. Combined with the liquid movement up front of Harding and Lenny this began to cause SEL a great deal of problems.

SEL were getting sucked across to the left hand side of the pitch to deal with non stop baby blue triangles, which was in turn was creating space for Seb Brain on the right flank who beat his man on numerous occasions and delivered dangerous crosses into the box.

Half chances fell to Lenny and Neville consecutively. Lenny worked the keeper with a left foot strike after finding space on the turn inside the box, and Neville volleyed over from 25 yards after controlling an insufficient SEL clearance.

The inevitable finally happened mid-way through the half when a lofted free kick into the box from Tett was cushioned by Hooper into the path of Harding, the result was a crisply struck left foot volley which gave the keeper no chance. A few more chances came and went, Neville getting his head to a well delivered Brain cross, but diverting it past the far post and whipped in left foot corners from Burt providing SEL with a regular saturday afternoon headache.

The second half saw a switch in formation for SEL as they tried to counteract Cubo’s dominant ball retention by packing the midfield. It seemed to work as George Elokobi was getting more service and certainly keeping Ingle and Tett busy running down the channels, although no clear cut chances were created. Infact Cubo’s back four of Revil, Tett, Ingle, and Rosoman remained solid and dealt with any threat thrown at them, Biscuit in goal was not a busy man.

The game was effectively put to bed when a sweeping ball out of defence from Ingle found the lively Harding on the right flank, he turned inside and in turn chipped a left footed cross through to Andy Burt who came inside the defender with a wonderful first touch and hit a right foot shot, via a “slight” deflection, into the SEL net.

Substitutions were made, Neville, Brain and Rosoman being replaced by Lye, Glenn and Pete Hill and Cubo battled hard to play out the win. SEL never threatened until a seemingly innocuous ball over the top left Ingle with a problem. With George Elokobi baring down on him, and Biscuit in goal not certain whether to stick or twist, Ingle took matters into his own hands, cooly heading the ball into the bottom corner of his own net. A splendid finish.

SEL threw everything at the Cubo goal and could have drawn level moments from the end when, after a goal mouth scramble, the ball spun perfectly into the path of the hilariously named Gay-tan five yards from goal. But with the goal at his mercy he just sort of crumbled to the floor like a new born deer, and Cubo were off the hook.

All in all a well deserved win and some of the best football The Baby Blue army has produced, they go marching on to the top of the table, three wins from three.

The manager of SEL was also kind enough to give his reports on the match:

 

Final Score: South East London 2nd XI 1-2 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

Scorers: Harding, Burt.

Man of the Match: Defensive colossus Greg Tett deservedly takes it for the second match in succession, with Burt and Hooper joint runners-up.

Match Report: Henry Neville

AFC Cubo 3rd XI 3-1 Battersea Lions

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Date: September 17th, 2pm KO

Starting Line-up: Bianchi, Revill, Rosoman, Jones, Dallamore, Hooper, Tett, Brain, Harding, Lendrum, Griffith

Subs: Ingle, Neville, Smith

The scene was set; the sun was out, the new kit had arrived and Henry had gelled his hair.

Cubo 3s took to the pitch on the back of a thrilling 4-3 season-opening win, full of confidence and with a strong team.

It was the 3’s first game at the fortress Barn Elms and it was a sell-out crowd; Lenny’s fiancée and brother boozing under a tree watching the rugby and Kilner Jnr, having a day off from his hectic badminton schedule.

The opponents for Cubo’s first home game was Battersea Lions, who finished third last season narrowly missing out on promotion.

The two sides differed in their approaches to the warm-up; the Lions opted for a varied selection of drills in carefully marked out areas, whilst the Baby Blue Army elected to walk around and complement each other on how good they looked in their shiny new attire.

Captain and club lothario Rob Jones lost the toss (deliberately, of course) and Cubo were forced to play the first half into the sun and the wind.

A lively start to the game saw Cubo playing some neat and tidy football in patches, but too infrequently, and it wasn’t long before striker Chris Lendrum’s girlfriend was engrossed in her wedding magazine and planning his plight from society.

The first real incident saw the Lions skipper attempt to thread a through-ball, only for Jones to cover across and draw the foul from the attacker. This sadly was the premature end to the skipper’s afternoon, as the awkward fall aggravated an ankle injury sustained in a pre-season friendly. This was a huge loss to the team, in skill, morale, bants and aesthetics.

Centre-midfielder Gregg Tett was forced to drop into to cover Jones at centre-back with Jimmy Ingle coming off the bench to play alongside Tom Hooper in the middle of the park.

Except from a few hopeful long balls from Battersea which were easily dealt with, Cubo began to apply pressure with the speedy Seb Brain especially dangerous on the right flank.

However, it was a swift move down the left with 30 minutes on the clock when the breakthrough came. Ingle, latched on to a Lendrum flick-on and broke into the box. The 29-year-old pulled the ball back perfectly into the path of Jordan Griffith who finished with aplomb into the bottom right corner for his second in two games.

Not content with a one goal lead, Cubo continued their high pressure game. Chris Revill, filling in at right-back, and Hooper both began to work well with Brain on the right wing, a combination that constantly created openings and half chances for the home side.

And it was five minutes before the break when Cubo’s intensity paid off. Lendrum, effortlessly controlled the ball in the box with his chest, flicked the ball over the on-rushing defender before striking straight at the keeper from six-yards. Fortunately, the ball fell kindly and the binge-drinking, chain-smoking, personal trainer toe-poked it into the roof of the net to double his side’s lead.

After a relaxed team-talk, partly because the usually irate and nonsensical captain Matt Turner was on a tennis holiday, the teams took to the field for the second-half. A calm start to the half was needed, but an early free-kick on the right-hand side was given to the visitors, and this rare opportunity was not wasted. A brilliantly low drilled cross was dispatched by the right-back, who was the most unlikely of sources as all he had done all game was commit foul throws with alarming regularity.

Lions then made a couple of substitutions, Luke Moore was brought into the attack and Gabriel Obertan on at left-midfield, whilst the love child of Andriy Voronin and Kerri Katona was moved to a more defensive role.

Dark cumulous clouds then ominously covered Barnes and strange things began to happen. Hooper was cautioned for dissent and Chris Harding made a slide tackle. The only thing left was for Andrew Rosman to score an overhead kick and then a black hole surely would have appeared in the centre circle.

Cubo then held strong during their toughest period, with goalkeeper Will Bianchi making some assured stops despite complaining with a back injury, which was clearly only aired to get Jones to rub Deep Heat sensually into those hard to get areas. Tett was also instrumental in keeping the score at 2-1, with some timely interceptions and key clearing headers. The 29-year-old, known for his beautiful teeth, had clearly put his first-half lovers’ tiff with teammate Rosman behind him.

Having endured and survived this onslaught, which included a disallowed goal, the Baby Blue boys began to carve openings with increasing ease. Brain, once again, found space, but this time opted to cut in on his left foot and whipped in a teasing cross which evaded both out-stretched strikers and hesitant defenders and found the far corner.

This was the cushion Cubo had been looking for and it led to a more relaxed performance over the last 25 minutes, where Griffith was only denied a brace from a superbly struck free-kick by an acrobatic goal-line clearance.

The last minutes were played out with ease by Cubo, and it was evident that everyone was thinking more about molten lava wedges and neatly triangled sandwiches and some solid pub bants.

Final Score: AFC Cubo 3rd XI 3-1 Battersea Lions

Man of the match: There were only two nominations with both Seb Brain and Gregg Tett receiving seven nominations each from the squad. So the deciding vote was cast by the ugliest member of Cubo – Ben Kilner – and he voted for Tett. Superb performances from both though.

Goals: Griffith, Lendrum, Brain

Yellow Card: Hooper

Match Report: Martin ‘Rob Jones’ Keown

AFC Cubo 3rd XI 4-3 Merton Orient

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Date: Saturday 10th September

Starting Line Up: Will Bianchi, John Glenn, Andrew Rosoman, Dan Cucos, Mark Dallamore, Jeremy Lye, Chris Harding, Trevor Moody, Matt Turner, Jordan Griffith, Stephen Doherty

Subs: Edd Smith, Antonio Palacio

With a strong line-up boosted by Moody, and coming off the back of a win against the 2nds and a good performance in a friendly the previous week, the 3rd XI went into this game confidently. Turner won the toss and elected to kick off. Cubo started brightly and applied pressure for 10 minutes, creating several reasonable chances that with a little more composure might have led to more positive results, Doherty especially unlucky after evading his marker at the near post.

Merton began getting into the game, as their centre-forward (normally at centre back) David Luiz/Sideshow Bob/Ray Parlour delete-as-applicable exerted more and more influence. Linking up well with their midfielders, Merton scored just after the quarter hour mark. Slightly rattled after their good start, Cubo conceded again five minutes later, leaving the team a lot to do to get back into the game. Gradually however, the impressive central midfield pair of Turner and Moody grew in stature. The wingers Harding and Lye, supported by strong running at the top by Doherty and Griffith created enough space for Turner to score after an strong solo run into the box. 1-2 at half time.

After a stirring (read aggressive) team-talk from skipper Turner, Cubo went out into the second half determined to win more challenges and compete more physically. After some good interplay between Glenn and Lye on the right, the ball was fed to Griffith who was felled by a pincer tackle from two Merton players in the box. Harding dispatched the penalty with aplomb low to the keeper’s right.

Although it looked like only one team would win, Merton managed to score after a quick throw in, Bianchi especially unlucky after making a fine initial save. However, with Dallamore completely dominating the previously influential striker, Cucos mopping up everything beside him, Merton had no way back and Griffith capped a fine performance with a virtuoso solo goal, finishing from an acute angle.

Substitutions were made, Smith coming on for Glenn on the left, Rosoman switching to right back, and Doherty swapping for Palacio, who came on at left wing with Harding joining Griffith at the front.  With Lye now penning in the previously impressive Frodo-Baggins-look-a-like left back, shots and chances were being created freely by Cubo. However it wasn’t until five minutes before the end that Moody controlled a clearance 20 yards out and hammered a right-footed shot that looped over the keeper and into the top right hand corner.

The game finished 4-3, with any win on the opening day of the season appreciated. There was a lot to take comfort from. A new-look back line communicated well after the early goals, setting good lines. Griffith and Doherty linked well and Lye always looked to beat his man and competed well in the air and on the ground. Coming back twice from being goals down can only bode well for the spirit of the side, and with Jones due back for this week, the 3rd XI will be looking forward to a good season. Props to Merton for being gentleman, and fair and honest opponents.

Man of the Match: Impossible to choose between Dallamore and Turner

Goals: Turner, Harding (pen), Griffith, Moody

Match Report: John Glenn