Inter Old Boys 2-6 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

Date: Saturday 10th March, 2012

Venue: Wandsworth Common

Starting Line-up: Bushey, Jez, Jimmy, Mark D, Luke, Jeph, Turns, Lukas, Henry, Paul M, Tett.

Subs: Ben R, Trev, John G,

So the Cubo 3s enter into the business end of the season. So its time for all the well used cliches to come out with every game being a cup final and making sure that every member of the teams bum really is squeaky clean.

I’m not sure if it was because of the growing importance of the matches, Jones’ rallying call to the whole team in the week or the fact that we were all meeting at jonesy’s and there was a chance of the early birds catching her in her night garms but for the first time in a long time. The full team was all present and correct pretty much on time. Jeph was obviously the last to show but at 40 mins before kick off he was a whole 2 hours inside his previous appearance so very impressive none the less.

With March offering up some fantastic early weather the scene was set for Cubo to really set the sleazing stakes high and wander over from nightingale lane, fully kitted in the shades. There are unconfirmed reports there were 2 road accidents early on sunday from mass hysteria in what the metro described on Monday morning as a scene out of the lynx adverts

Team assemble on the side of the pitch drawn out for under 8 football and were greeted with 3 huge lake like puddles in the middle of the pitch which considering its been the driest winter for 50 years really shows the great work that the groundsmen do over at wandsworth common. Thanks for turning up guys. With Jones now really evolving into the managerial role after having to accept that darren anderton put in more consecutive appearances, the pre match warm up consisted of drills with markers and flourescent bibs (good to see Ed’s gloves get some use in the summer months) Cubo started feeling very prepared for this top of the table clash. With 2 points separating second to fifth this really would decide who would take the second automatic promotion spot.

Cubo set up in their usual formation of 4-3-3 with Henry and the Tett really putting his claim to the biggest utility player in Cubo providing width to Paul May up top. Cubo started very brightly, with the skill, pace and power of the middle 3 of Jeph, Lukas and Turner (I’ll let you make up your own mind as to where each member falls!) far too much for Inter old boys. An early corner presented the first opportunity of the game, a superb delivery by lukas treated with the usual Head/Shoulder combo from Turner and much like his shots from outside the box it went over the bar. With some minor exchanges the first real opportunity then came, a quick break from Cubo saw the Paul the target man May pick up the ball on the half way line. In a display of “Chip and  Chase” that would have put Gareth Bale to shame he sprinted off down the left flank. Instead of the classic shoulder barge to fend off oncoming defenders, May prefers the hip barge, which took him to the byline. Skipping inside the defender coming across the only other man capable of keeping up with Englands Bale was the on rushing Jeph who after a nice cut back from May tucked it into the corner for Cubo’s opening goal.

With a fairly big team, Inter Old Boys made their tactics clear very early with very little inter play in the middle and a whole heap of long balls. In their skipper, who last year just managed to grow out of being labelled an official dwarf, possessed a throw that far out weighed his 5″1 frame. Making the most of the under 8 pitch the extra from willow launched a throw right underneath the crossbar. In the melee that followed they managed to squeeze the ball in at the back post. A very undeserved 1-1.

With the disappointment evident, Inter started to come back into the game. With a few more thrown ins that were dealt with a lot better, Inter started to apply some pressure. A few last ditch clearances and some resolute defending kept the score lines level with Jimmy and welcoming Mark Dallamore back into the team and confident at the back as always. Then the class started to show, Cubo started to get the ball down again but it was a goal out of inter’s book which made the difference going into half time, done in Cubo style. A throw into Paul May got a very decent flick to the edge of the box where jeph was waiting. The ball was brought down on the chest and crisply volleyed into the corner. The ball having not touched the floor from throw in to goal (Big time!)

Half time and after a few weeks of relatively tame words, it was time again for a few overly aggressive, ranting words from Turner (which have from somewhere developed an Austrailian twang!).

What proceeded for the next 20 mins was the most fluid, attacking and quite frankly brilliant football I have ever seen in Cubo colours. Sharp one-two’s and great vision created gaps and chances from all over the park. A nice interchange on half way set Tett racing down the right. Cutting into the box and with Paul May and Henry waiting at the back post, Tett fires across what he really should of claimed as a shot as despite being a good few metres wise and over it was certainly closer to the goal than either of the 2 on rushing defenders. In almost a mirror play 2 mins later Tett was released down the right again and with the horror cross still at the front of his mind, decided this time to instead cut back a half paced ball to the penalty spot. Seeing the opportunity May and Neville ran into almost an embracing position and seemed to almost have a small chat over who was going to tap it in before Henry scuffed one into the bottom corner.

For all reading this, please enjoy this next paragraph and revel in it alone at home, reading on the lap top in front of the TV. But please at no point should these next few paragraphs ever be discussed in any sort of group event, meeting, casual chat of otherwise. The words are consigned to this report only and if ever a word is spoken gesturing towards this event, it will be denied and dismissed as mere folklore.

By this stage the ball was rarely leaving the Inter half. Cubo were having all the possession and giving the old boys the run around. With the ball moving from left to right Tett picks the ball up on the right hand side, with a chance to set and cross he delivers a floating ball to the left hand side. Then from just inside the top left of the area, Henry chests the ball, then almost falling backwards (which I genuinely think may have been a loss of balance rather than deliberate) curls a volley into the top right hand corner. An absolute screamer.

(That really hurt to write)

Directly from kick off, Inter chip a ball forward in the vain hope of getting it out of their half. The ball was headed back where Paul May got the flick on again to release the rushing Jeph. He gathers and with the keeper rushing out, holds down the L1 button and shot superbly to dink the keeper and make it 5 (Who said Pro Evo isnt a true reflection of real life? It is when Cubo/(Jeph) plays!)

With Cubo then well clear and the dominance showing the flowing football just kept coming. In a rare expedition into the Cubo half, Inter managed to get a throw on the right hand side. With Willow keen as always to use the only opportunity he gets for feeling big, he launches another throw into the area. With Bushey seemingly taken out the keeper was not given the same keeper friendly rules and the flick on into the net was allowed to stand. Despite being 5-2 it gave Inter renewed hope they may be able to salvage something from the game. The game became a bit looser but with Cubo still firmly on top. A free kick was then given about 10 yards outside the penalty box. As usual with free kicks in this sort of distance Neville picks up the ball in the vain hope he may get the nod and gives the ball the customary 4000 revolutions before placing in on the turf. Then lining up to take it was Neville, Tett and Lukas. Slicking his hair back Tett really was displaying traits of a man who was preparing to take it but with Lukas’ left foot in the ranks, this beckham-esque display and making the ball dizzy was surely only a rouse of deception as from all members of Cubo on and off the field there was only 1 man that was going to take this. The whistle goes and Tett is the first to move towards the ball, surely just a case of a classic dummy before the left foot comes. It seems that money mattered in the pre free kick discussion as the richer of the 3 in Tett actually makes contact and curls an absolute delight of a free kick up and over the wall (still slightly convinced it went through the wall but whos counting) and into the bottom left corner. A fantastic goal to round off an absolute rout.

Now what wasnt said up to now as part of the overly aggressive any given sunday words at half time, Turner called for the game to be put out of reach. That one goal simply wasnt good enough and that he wanted 5 and 6. Some may say that with the cubo talent on show that this would have happened anyway but I say this if a tree falls in the forest but you dont know what it is, does it really fall .

Final Score: Inter Old Boys 2-6 AFC Cubo 3rd XI

Goals: Jeph (x3), Hennerz (x2), Tett.

Man of the Match: It seems that words of inspirational leadership are not rewarded by his peers as in the after match vote for man of the match, the 3 goals and all round display from Jeph carried more weight (seems most/(all) are blind to victorious guidance

I will repeat what I said at the end of the game which is put simply, the best Cubo experience I have ever been part of.

Well done to all that were part of it, a great performance and bring on the rest of the promotion run.

Match Report: Turns

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